(If You’re Wondering If I Want to Listen to Raditude) Not Really

Right now, right here, I will try something a bit different. Sure, it’s been done before, but now I’m gonna give it a go, and we’ll see how it works. Ladies and gentleman, I will be live-blogging my first listen of the new Weezer disc, Raditude. Before I go further, I will state a few things.

One: My expectations are not strong, but I’m hoping to be surprised.

Two: Dammit Rivers, get your head out of your ass. I wanna love you but you keep making it so hard nowadays.

Three: Will this album be worthy of the name Raditude, or will it be one giant “Wrong-itude”? (Yuck, sorry…) Only one way to find out. HIT IT!

1. (If You’re Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To

Yes, it’s the lead single, but, no, I haven’t actually heard it more than twice. I just don’t have access to a radio anymore, not that I’d want one. I’ll give Cuomo this, it’s one of the most immediately catchy songs he’s penned in a long damn time. And, damn him, I actually like the flow and narrative of the lyrics. Everything may be cliched and seemingly lifted from other songs, but Cuomo seems to have a firm grasp on what he wants in this song, and what he wants is he wants you to.

2. I’m Your Daddy

Hmmm… a weak sorta drum-machine sound starts this off. “You’ve got the brains, the body and the beauty. To top it off, you’re cool” claims Rivers in the first verse, I really can’t make heads or tails of it. But the substandard phrase of “I’m Your Daddy” sorta ruins it, which is a shame since I kinda like the overproduced sound of this song. Never thought I’d say that. I’ll put this one firmly in the nice-enough sounding, but boring and lyrically stupid brand of Weezer song.

3. The Girl Got Hot

Stomping drums and “woah-oh-oh”s remind me instantly of “Keep Fishin’”, but this time, the girl got hot. Good for her, and good for Rivers for noticing. Oh my goodness me. Catchy as fuck, sure, but geez, this one sets another standard in the recent tradition of shit lyrics and pop pandering from a man who once dreamt of something as unfashionable as how a Japanese girl touched herself.

4. Can’t Stop Partying

Ah, the much-maligned Lil Wayne song. Ohh my, synths and dance, and poor Rivers just can’t stop partying. He’s gotta have the cars, the jewels, and if we were him, we would do it to. Or so we’re led to believe. I’ll give him this, these lyrics actually do have a nice bit of heart and, dare I say it, satire? Yes, Cuomo has penned a satire. Ooh, here’s Lil Wayne’s part. Not bad. Actually, I’m kinda liking this, believe it or not. Whether taken at face value or not, damn, I can’t stop the partyin’.

5. Put Me Back Together

Boring. That’s the first word that comes to mind. Perhaps I’ll think of another. “It’s clear that I’m not getting better.” You can say that again, Rivers. Huh, actually, it’s picking up a bit. Oh, it’s become loud. Meh, this still just reminds me of a bunch of other bands. I’m thinking this reminds me of Relient K, for some reason, and take that for what it’s worth.

6. Trippin’ Down the Freeway

Half a minute in, and I can’t think of anything to say about this song. I’ll say it’s not as catchy as some of the other songs, and has some cringe-worthy lyrics about being lame for going to a volleyball game (which is true, so I guess I can’t fault Rivers there). I guess this is supposed to be some musical argument between lovers who can’t decide if they love each other or not. I guess that’s an okay idea, but it seems just kinda tossed-off, and altogether unnecessary. Pleasant, though.

7. Love Is the Answer

Weezer goes all “The Inner Light” on our asses, with some pretty diminishing returns, so far. Apparently “Love” is the answer. Not 42, not Death of a Salesman, but “Love”. Oh, and “There will come a day when we can finally rest/Until that day, take it easy on yourself.” I’ve heard otherwise, but, according to ol’ Rivers, what I’ve heard is simply not true. The most un-Weezer song yet released is also probably their worst song yet, and, at this point, that’s no small feat. Congratulations, Rivers. You’ve written “The Love Guru” set to music.

8. Let It All Hang Out

A searing guitar lick kick-starts this song, perhaps reminding us after that last “Love-fest” Weezer actually is a rock band. Of course, being a rock band doesn’t mean you have to write thoughtful lyrics. “I’m going out with my homies and we’re gonna let it all hang out” proclaims Rivers. Oh, and name-dropping Chiclets and Vitamin Water actually isn’t that cool of an idea, despite how it might sound on paper (not great, actually).

9. In The Mall

Rivers didn’t write this song, but he sure does sing it. Another looping guitar part starts this song out, and the lyrics show off the fact that writer Patrick Wilson understands beyond all shadow of a doubt the objects and places that usually pervade the common American mall. And knowing what’s in the mall is half the battle. Honestly, this may be the most shallow song Weezer has yet recorded. One can hope that the struggling mall industry adopts this as their theme song… and struggles more.

10. I Don’t Want To Let You Go

Ahh, the final-track ballad. Long the staple of the Weezer discography, this one seems to fall in line with some of the previous entries. Rivers’ emotions always tend to shine through more so on the last tracks on each album, and this one seems to be no exception. His emotions are on his sleeve, and “the pain is killing [him]“. I feel like he means it, and I love him for always ending his records with the emotional high points, but even as much as I wanna boldly proclaim that Rivers is back to being personal, I just can’t tell the pop product from the emotion anymore.

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In conclusion, it would appear that Weezer have again made an album that’s catchy as hell but with little else to recommend it. The good tracks are few and far between, and overall, it’s just a mess. At this point, they aren’t even parodying themselves anymore. They’re parodying the parody. Perhaps the never-ending chain of parody will continue onto their next 6 albums, of which, inevitably, 3 will be self-titled and color-coded. Actually, that makes me wonder, if one parodies something enough, does it eventually reach the point where there is absolutely nothing left of the original and the object in question is completely rebuilt? Will Weezer eventually cease to be Weezer and, in fact, become a band that bares no resemblance to any other form of Weezer? They’re well on their way, but only time will tell.

-Trevor